Starkit's Prophecy- redone
by Rebellegirl
Summary: The imbecile is back! Without the bad grammer and terrible spelling, of course. First re-do, so no flames! I don't own Starkit the idiot (Thank God!). xDarkrosex does. Rated T for a future chapter. Three more reviews to update! :P. R&R PLZ! INFINITE FRITTERS FOR EVERYONE (read story to find out what madness that was)!
1. Chapter 1- Prologues are chapters, right

Starkit's Prophecy- Redo

Chapter one- Prologue, since prologues are obviously chapters, right?

The unknown cats gathered around an unknown pool. An unknown shape went across the unknown surface. An unknown blue she-cat looked into its unknown depths, her unknown eyes sparkling, but how can cat's eyes sparkle? It is unknown.

"There is an unknown prophecy!" She unknowingly gasped. The unknown blue cat went on. "Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

"It's about Starkit!" an unknown white tom said. "She is going to save the forest." The unknown white tom looked at an unknown golden tom and Bluestar, who suddenly got her name. "Should we tell Jayfeather?"

"Yes, you moron. Of course he needs to know, unknown white tom." Bluestar snapped, then walked away from the unknown pool to go stalk poor Jayfeather in his dreams.

**This is supposed to be like a crack story, but please review if you want to see Starkit get eaten by Spartanyan.**

**REVIEW OR MOSSKIT WILL STALK YOU IN YOUR DREAMS LIKE HER MOMMY!**


	2. Drugs are bad, Starkit!

Chapter 2- Drugs are bad, Starkit!

**Well, one review (other than mine) is good enough. Get ready for sarcasm and authoress powers! I don't own Warriors or Starkit's Prophecy (Thank StarClan)**

Starkit woke up to see the sunlight in the branches. Wait, what? Branches, let the poor sunlight go *slaps the branches*.

Let's do that over;

_~REWIND~_

Starkit woke up to see the sunlight _through_ the branches. She closed her eyes, still tired, but her butter mom made of margarine wouldn't let her sleep.

"Sweetie, it's time to get up." Dawnsparkle said, her eyes sparkling like her name. "Today is an important today!" Alas, Dawnsparkle didn't know that being redundant is a bad habit to be redundant.

"What is it Mom" Starkit said, not knowing which punctuation to use. Then the she-cat rememembered (not knowing what that meant) what today was.

"Ohmigosh it's my serimony!" She squelled exersisedly about the serimony (a serimony is different then a ceremony, obviously), which means to squell while exercising. Didn't know that was possible. Didn't even know what 'squelling' meant. Other than that, today she would become Firestar's apprentice! Oh wait, she wasn't supposed to know that, but oh well!

She was flicked outside by the invisible hand that dwelled in the den, but her butter mom, now a cot, caught up to her quickly. Wow, Starkit. Nice job being caught by the mom-cot.

"Sweetie, you know the clans don't accept cats like us sometimes." The butter-mom-cot-cat named Dawnsparkle said.

Starkit glared at her mom-cot. She didn't like being told that. Just because her mom the butter-cot-mom-cat was from ShadowClan and her father (who never liked the both of them, but pretends to like them because he didn't feel like being mean for once) was the amazing, totally _not _an imbecile, Jayfeather the medicine cat didn't mean she was different! _Yeah, it does!_ The authoress hisses, but decides not to tell it to Starkit.

"Starpaw, come here to become a kit again, then back to an apprentice, since I have time-traveling powers. The authoress loves me, so I have time-traveling powers. You suckers do not. _ Ahem_, back to business." Firestar said from Graystripe's leg. Wow. I didn't know that Graystripe had volunteered to become the ledge ever since Briarlight destroyed it after her true love's mate had kits. Firestar jumped down from the sweaty leg. Holding up Firestar on your leg would be tough work, and all that fluff doesn't help.

"Starkit, it is time for you to become an apprentice." Firestar, you bad little boy *slaps Firestar*! You used you time-traveling powers against my will! I will give you one more chance, but if you use them again without my permission, I will give them to Brambleclaw! *Cough, cough* Back to the story. "You are a strong and brave cat _coughnotcough_, and because of that, I will mentor you." Everyone gasped, including Starkit.

"Wow!" Dawnsparkle whispered. Wait, how can she talk if she is a butter-cot-mom-cat? Oh well.

Firestar liked her shoulder. He liked it a lot. It was a different shade of purple then the rest of her body, and it had no stars. It was beautiful, so Firestar took a selfie with it on his pawPhone 8s.

"Ahem." He coughed after taking the selfie. The authoress doesn't like this, so she kidnaps Firestar and replaces him with another orange cat, which we will call Firestar 2.

"You will be the best there was ever, I know it!" Firestar 2 whispered. _Arrgh!_ The authoress used her author powers to destroy Firestar 2 and replaced him with Firestar 3.

Surprised, Starpaw walked away while the cats turned into wolves and howled for her. The authoress turns them back to cats since they were easier to write about. Dawnsparkle was very proud, but Jayfeather just prodded her with a cattle prod as his sign of 'affection'.

"Daughter, I am very prod of you since I prodded you, but I have something to say." Jayfeather grumbled. "You see, StarCaln gave me a prophecy, oh and StarCaln is where dead StarClan cats go. Anywho, the prophecy is, '_out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly._ Or wait, was it, '_out of the light, tigers will come and bring forth the good stars and holly?_ I don't rememember."

"Gasp!" Starkit said. "What does it mean?"

**Don't worry, I won't hit you over the head with a frying pan if you don't review *whistles with frying pan behind back*.**


	3. Battle for the magical cauldron

Chapter 3- Battle for the magical cauldron.

**Two reviews! Thanks Embersky and ****YourDeadLitter-mateHollyleaf! Keep reading for more funnies. **

Starpaw walked over to the apprentices' den. Inside, she saw her sisters Flamepaw and Lakepaw. She also saw her friend Jazzpaw, who was apparently named after her kittypet name, Jazzie-kin, who was sleeping on her pet Mo.

"Jazzpaw get up!" Starpaw cried. Ugh, Starpaw is having her mood swings again!

"What is it, Starpaw?" Jazzpaw said jazzily.

"Do you want to go on patrol with me?" Starpaw said. Somewhere in StarClan, Hollyleaf was hitting her head on a wall, because the 'amazing' _coughnotcough_ Starkit had broken the Warrior Code.

"Sure!" Jazzpaw said jazzily, getting up from poor Mo. The pair left and walked to the entrance of the camp.

But, a huge white cat walked through the entrance.

It was Blackstar!

DUN DUN DUUNN!

"ShadowClan are attacking!" She screamed. She went back and read through her sentence. "Oh wait, it's just Blackstar. Blackstar is attacking!" Some cats came out of their dens, but not many cats cared about if Blackstar was invading. He was just a normal cat, right?

Starpaw jumped on Blackstar and clawed at him feebly. Sadly, Starpaw does not die, since Blackstar was not at his A-game that day. He was more at his B-game.

Blackstar squeaked. The authoress has just realized that Blackstar was replaced with a kittypet in his last fan-fic when he got back to his clan, so she gets mad at the kittypet and destroys him. The real Blackstar scowls.

"Good job Starpaw! The last cat I knew who could fritter like that was Sandstrom, who is totally not Sandstorm by any means!" Firestar said. The authoress had fired Firestar 3 earlier since he had insulted her authoress powers. "You're a good fritter." Firestar started nomming on her leg.

Starpaw was a good fritter! She was happy that she was delicious. Maybe that was what the prophecy meant.

**REVIEW PLZ TO EAT STARKIT THE APPLE FRITTER! UPDATING EVERY DAY!  
**


	4. Training under the singular star

Chapter 4- chapter 3 Training under the singular star

**Sorry I haven't updated, I was too busy being awesome. Anyway, thanks for the reviews! Featherstorm10, yes, I will give you the apple fritters (hands Featherstorm10 a fritter). oOFirebornPhoenixOo, yesh! This is stupid! Thanks for stating the completely obvious! Embersky, I knew I was awesome already (ego swells bigger than Berrynose's). GameslaveGaz, HERE'S YOUR INFINITE FRITTERS! Lolz! **

Starpaw smiled. Shed-1, Blackstar-0! No one could hurt her family now!

"Starpaw!" Firestar was sad with his own mood swings. "It's time we train! I want to show you how to fight!"

"Okay!" Starpaw was sad, and then was happy again. Ugh. Mood swings. "But you said I could fight-, oh. You said I was a good fritter, not fighter. But whatever."

"Well, ya." Firestar said, turning into a gangsta. "But I wanted to see if that was all you knew."

"Okay." Firestar said. They went to the forest together while the others cleaned up the bodies. _ARGH!_ The authoress growls. _NO ONE DIED!_ The authoress goes back and deletes that part. "We will learn how to be a dog." The authoress re-reads that sentence, and scowls, since she hates dogs. She changes it to, 'We will learn how to dodge."

"But that's easy!" Starpaw complained. Shed beat Blackstar (and Starpaw didn't, BTW), and shed was ready for everything.

"Oh, okay." Firestar said. "We will learn how to claw an opponent."

Suddenly, while the authoress is taking a coffee break, her dark side reveals itself and types up some stuff on here. Here it goes:

"Yay." Yowled Starkit. She jumped on Firestar, not giving him any time to react. She hit his side and ripped at his flesh, throwing on the cold ground. Her teeth glinted in the moonlight as she clawed at his stomach, tearing his intestines out-,

_EEWWWWW! _The authoress screams. She tares off her gray hoodie to reveal a ninja outfit and attacks her alter-ego. A few minutes later and her dark side was no more.

Back to the story.

"Wow, Starpaw. You're doing awesome." Said Firestar 4. The authoress had to replace Firestar until she had the time to revive him.

"Really?!" Starpaw gaped. She didn't think she was doing God-stuff (because she isn't). Was she really special like the prophecy said? _NO! _The authoress hisses.

"Yes Starpaw." Firestar snarled. The authoress healed him, and he was pissed off. "I couldn't get away fast enough. Only Scourg did that before, and that isn't Scourge, by the way." Firestar wanted to kill Starpaw, but the authoress tells him that she will (SPOILER ALERT) die later. Maybe.

"OHMGOSH REALLY!" Starpaw said, even though she had no clue what she just said. "SCOURG?! THE REAL SCROUG?! THE ONE NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT?!" The random shed had heard so much about him and how he was evil and killed a lot of cats and that he really shouldn't have really long run-on sentences.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Firepaw-, _Wait, WHAT?! Firestar, I now grant your time-traveling powers to Brambleclaw! *zaps Firestar back to real time and gives Brambleclaw his time-traveling powers*._ "YAY!" Brambleclaw screams. _QUIET, SLAVE! _The authoress hisses. "The authoress likes me." Brambleclaw wiggles his eyebrows. The authoress blushes. "You and me, tonight?" Brambleclaw asks. While the amazing authoress goes on a date, her identical twin will write.

"I meant you were a good fighter. It's really cool." Firestar 5 said, since the authoress' identical twin hates Firestar. At that moment, Firestar 5 thought, '_Starpaw's so kawaii, look at her eyes and fur.' _

_WHAT?! Excuse me, dear Brambleclaw. _The authoress screams when Brambleclaw brought her home. The authoress fires both Firestar 5 and her identical twin (because she hired Firestar 5, and she existed).

"Oh, okay. Thanks!" The two trained the floor for a while later. Starpaw beat Firestar eight times (of course, Firestar was weak after getting his time-traveling powers taken away), but Starpaw let him beat her once, since she didn't know that his time-traveling powers were taken away and she thought that he was just a bad fighter. After a while, Starpaw got (le-gaspe!) tired.

"Hey Firestar, can we hunt now? I'm hungry." Starpaw said. Hollyleaf committed suicide in StarClan and (for some random reason, two turtles, and a pickle) ended up lost in the Dark Forest.

"Oh, well, if you want." Firestar said, mockingly disappointed. He and Starpaw were having so much coughnotcough fun. Starpaw (le-gaspe again!) messed up a few times, but Firestar said it was okay, since it was only her second time out (Firestar 1007000 went out with her when she was a kit, since Firestar 1006999 was fired for being too lazy on the set).

Later that night, Starpaw locked up the stars for disrupting her view. _BAD STARPAW! _The authoress screeches and hits Starpaw with a spoon (like Brokenstar! JK, my reference to, 'Win a Date with Nightcloud' (I DO NOT OWN, I DO NOT OWN!))

Anyway, she and Firestar had had so much fun coughnotcough today. They had brought back enough food to feed their entire clan (which basically means just Daisy).

Locking up the stars (behind the authoresses field of view), Starpaw turned to her best friend, Jazzpaw, and said; "Do you think we'll be up there." Starpaw the imbecile forgot which punctuation to use, again.

"Ya totes!" Jazzpaw rapped. "I mean, you'll be leader, and I'll be depudy (not deputy) one day, so we'll have too!"

"Yeah." Starpaw said. She loved Jazzpaw, but the authoress made her _not _a Lez in this story, so Starpaw loves Jazzpaw as a friend.

They were bestest bestie best friends. Starpaw made sure the stars were locked away, and went to sleep with the whispers of StarCaln in her head.

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	5. PLEASE READ!

**PLEASE READ!**

**I am discontinuing this, unless I find some inspiration to keep continuing it. I haven't worked on it for about 2 months and no longer find intrest in it. PM me if you want me to work on it some more, although it might not be updated in around a month. I'm sorry, loyal fans, I really am.**

**So long,**

**Rebelle**


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